Monday, August 3, 2015
Motenai No Nichijou 3
One of my 2 friends chatted me on facebook saying "sorry" and I asked why but until this very moment still agonizing about what the heck did she really mean by that. O.o
"Seen"
NOTE: by "friend" I mean those people who I conider genuine in real life.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Motenai no Nichijou (the daily life of a motenai) part 2
Honesty.
I've never been confessed to. That's one of the things bothering me. I won't like it if somebody does it. That's too much. I don't deserve that kind of appreciation or this kind , like what I am experiencing now.
BTW, everyone at school always give me a cold shoulder, or act awkward around me.
I shouldn't care less, I always thought like that.
Somebody cares. And then leaves you hanging. You sometimes wanna forcibly show them your heart so they would know how much it hurts.
I've never been confessed to. That's one of the things bothering me. I won't like it if somebody does it. That's too much. I don't deserve that kind of appreciation or this kind , like what I am experiencing now.
BTW, everyone at school always give me a cold shoulder, or act awkward around me.
I shouldn't care less, I always thought like that.
Somebody cares. And then leaves you hanging. You sometimes wanna forcibly show them your heart so they would know how much it hurts.
Motenai no Nichijou (the daily life of a motenai) part 1
I really feel like I'm too lame, too awkward. So I always stiffen, become a burden, and make everyone stay away from me. I'm quite sure I'm the first reason they've came to hate me.
I'm pretty unreliable.
And I made sure it turns out that way otherwise.
Or sometimes I act like that subconciously.
Lately I've been unable to have the calm I long for.
Everyone seems too nice, but a weird atmosphere ventures its way to my cold body; a wind of doubt, the air of indifference.
I sometimes feel like I am special (Or I should feel like it, for that is the only vine I cling upon to reach sanity.) , always comparing myself to somebody else (this freaking inferiority complex)
I always feel like people have their expectations set high whenever they catch a glimpse of my frail body.
That's why I've done my efforts to be "stupid".
But it didn't take long for it to ricochet and my plan backfired.
Overwhelming.
Probably you see me as a failure for a teenager.
I'm pretty unreliable.
And I made sure it turns out that way otherwise.
Or sometimes I act like that subconciously.
Lately I've been unable to have the calm I long for.
Everyone seems too nice, but a weird atmosphere ventures its way to my cold body; a wind of doubt, the air of indifference.
I sometimes feel like I am special (Or I should feel like it, for that is the only vine I cling upon to reach sanity.) , always comparing myself to somebody else (this freaking inferiority complex)
I always feel like people have their expectations set high whenever they catch a glimpse of my frail body.
That's why I've done my efforts to be "stupid".
But it didn't take long for it to ricochet and my plan backfired.
Overwhelming.
Probably you see me as a failure for a teenager.
The genuine and the Untrue( In a Motenai's Perspective )
Haven't you questioned yourself, "What is genuine?" (Well duh I guess I would be the only one pondering too long about that trivial matter.)
So much for formalities ( I can't really write properly )
Anyway, as a perk of being a motenai, or more likely, wanting and tending to be alone at school, silly things come to mind: How could we know what true love is? Most likely people, specially teens, as I've observed, get infatuated with those people with striking features (at least in their perspective). And even selfless passion boils down to people's selfish feelings.
Selfish feelings - is what I call them. I imagined wanting someone to be happy, then I asked myself, "Why do you want that person be happy?"
"Because that would make me glad."
or
"Why do you sympathize with those people?"
"Because a flash of pain, like compressing my blood passages in a split second, strikes me whenever I think about it."
You want to do something to ease that anxiety.
Ugh. I know I've got my thoughts intertwined.
But I am still digging for diamonds , searching for something genuine.
"Honmono ga hoshi." - 8man.
So much for formalities ( I can't really write properly )
Anyway, as a perk of being a motenai, or more likely, wanting and tending to be alone at school, silly things come to mind: How could we know what true love is? Most likely people, specially teens, as I've observed, get infatuated with those people with striking features (at least in their perspective). And even selfless passion boils down to people's selfish feelings.
Selfish feelings - is what I call them. I imagined wanting someone to be happy, then I asked myself, "Why do you want that person be happy?"
"Because that would make me glad."
or
"Why do you sympathize with those people?"
"Because a flash of pain, like compressing my blood passages in a split second, strikes me whenever I think about it."
You want to do something to ease that anxiety.
Ugh. I know I've got my thoughts intertwined.
But I am still digging for diamonds , searching for something genuine.
"Honmono ga hoshi." - 8man.
I always ask myself why I'm like this.
Getting too worked up because of a little compliment, or getting flustered and fail right after. (all efforts go down the drain)
Always letting pressure perturb too deep into skin, stiffens your body to promote further embarrassment.
Ugh, it really sucks to be a motenai.
Always letting pressure perturb too deep into skin, stiffens your body to promote further embarrassment.
Ugh, it really sucks to be a motenai.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)