I don't know where to start but

I don’t know where to start, but

(Explicit)

Seems like my 20 year-old self had left breadcrumbs in my forest (Now I’m owning it lol). 

Oh, haven’t you noticed? This is my ‘20^th birthday’ post. I’ve been kinda (or not just kinda) fucked up (Oh surely I’ve been) for the past months. No one knows of the reasons (it’s a shitlot of reasons) and I don’t intend to disclose the fucking ultimately sealed whatevers in this post. I would just want to share whatever my fingers would want to relay to anyone and especially to me (in case I forget this) for this day has been crucial to my fucking resurrection. Lol! I’ve been so dead for the past months (this is redundant), whatever whoever did to me did nothing to alleviate the problem even I don’t know (so don’t blame them, self).

Anyway, for those who have lost their way and who have stumbled upon this ramble, do you want me to put into words the instructions on how to exit this site?

Anyway, for the second time, and to continue musing, today, I’ve lost:

1.       Trust (Ooh, didn’t have this in the first place)

2.       The keyboard gift (My selfish self hates this loss, but whatever)

3.       Vikings (is this even a loss.)

Today, I’ve gained:
1. A high score ,since my depression engulfed me,  on my ‘happiness meter’ (-2                                                0%, dudes! The normal’s -50)

2. Me (Ooh welcome back bitch)

Having lost myself inside a fucking canopy-filled forest have made me lose everything in me. And in that process, I’ve died alone, lost my place, my friends.

If I haven’t fought for my happiness for the first time, I would not grow. Yeah, I lost my keyboard, which I was really looking forward to, but what would a keyboard do to a depression-eaten child who cries about everything? (The materialistic me is not convinced about this reason) This is what “Treating myself right” is about. And oh, this should be the last time I would lie about it.

                I might tell you vaguely why I tell lies (When I say lies they’re twisted truths, but still, it’s not completely made up.)    Next post, maybe.

I’ve too many to subtly tell you. Next time, maybe. :)

(Oh hey, me. Just a reminder. Please, if you’re gonna tell a reason, think, say it, make a story. Fast. Not “pauwi na”)

                It’s time to make my own decisions.

With love,

20 year-old me.